Dante's Inferno

ZURICH (AP) -- It must rank among the easiest fires ever to put out.
Zurich authorities say police and firefighters were called to the house of an elderly woman early Thursday after she reported her television set was burning.
When they arrived, they discovered no signs of fire or smoke.
They found instead that the TV was tuned into a German station that in the early morning hours aired the constant image of a fireplace.
"The fire was extinguished with the press of a button," police said in a statement.

I won't lie. I get the winter blues. To fight those blues, C.Ropp and I thought it would be nice to get a DVD of a fire place to put on his giganto TV. We thought it would warm up the intensely small and cramped apartment where we once lived. In order to find an "ambiance" DVD, I traveled to the only place I could think to look. Best Buy. You know, because its the best place to buy. It says so right on the sign.

I walked into the brightly colored blue and yellow building and went in search of a fireplace DVD. Little did I know I would soon face one of the most uncomfortable encounters I would ever face. A salesman by the name of Dante approached me. Can I help you? He asked. Why sure. I replied. I explained what I was looking for and he gave me a very strange look. Sort of a "I know what you're sayin'" look even though I wasn't saying anything. Except for I was looking for a fireplace DVD.

The next thing he did was fairly shocking. He pulled my left hand out of my pocket to examine whether there was a ring or not. Sadly, there was no engagement or wedding ring on my finger. I left my fake one at home. So he looks at me again as if to say, "I'll come over and hang out with you on a bear skin rug with a fireplace DVD and smooth jazz playing in the background." Yeah, you know that look. Anyway, he told me he would look on his computer for the product. He looked. And looked. And looked. All the while giving me looks which I can only assume were meant to be flirtatious.

He couldn't find the DVD I was looking for in stock, but he said he had an alternative for me. Okay, I said. He walked down the aisle where the excessive video game paraphernalia are. I followed. He walked up to a box labeled with a group of characters who seemed to be pretending to be in a rock band. "It's a fog machine." He said. "I own this." ...Okay, I thought. Where is he going with this? "I own this... but I DON'T own Rock Band." He said. And then he winked at me.