C the R's father looks like Billy Mays. You know him. Dark hair, dark beard. OxyClean commercials. Oh yeah, and Mighty Mend-it.
Tonight Billy told me the story of Junior Samples. Junior was in Billy's speech class. While Billy was busy giving a speech called "The Business Approach to Marriage," Junior was preparing his own speech. The title: "Trappin'."
I don't know the story, but if I were going to write my own speech called "Trappin'" it would go something like this:
When trappin' a whald an'mal yar gonna wanna do three thangs. Number one. Ya gotta be real quiet. Don't want the critter knowin' you're there. Number two. Crouch down real low. Git some dirt in yer hands if ya hafta. Then the next thing you gotta do... and I want ya to lissen reeeeal close... is ta throw yer gullet on the little vermin. Squeeesh 'im into the mulch!
Ok. I'm sorry. I need to stop. That speech made me feel dirty.
I don't like people who kill small animals. I have Gracie's feelings to consider.
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